Ah, clearly everyone has their PhD in Google Privacy Controls, right? I mean, it’s so obvious how they work that even the big boss at Google, Sundar Pichai, got it all twisted while chatting with Congress. Bravo! In the never-ending soap opera that is Rodriguez v. Google, we’ve got this epic plot twist where a “privacy check box” is supposed to stop Google from hoarding your “activity” on their servers. But surprise, surprise, a lawsuit claims it’s all a big fairy tale.
And here’s the juicy part – the court records are sealed tighter than a drum to keep all those oh-so-flattering comments and testimonies under wraps. But, lo and behold, The Register plays detective and finds a public transcript of our star witness, Jonathan Hochman. He’s on stage calling out Google’s “Web & App Activity” check box as a glorified prop, claiming it’s about as real as a unicorn because it doesn’t actually do what it claims. And to top it off, he points out that even the CEO is in la-la land about how this magical box works. Talk about a plot twist!
Oh, But There's More
Oh, let me tell you about this absolutely hilarious court filing where the plaintiffs play Sherlock Holmes and decode what Google CEO Sundar Pichai meant when he told Congress about this super ‘clear toggle’ in ‘My Account’. Apparently, this crystal clear control is the Web & App Activity switch. The twist? Even the head honcho of Google’s Privacy and Data Protection Office is like, “Wait, what setting stops Google from collecting app data?” Talk about having your ducks in a row!
And Google, oh, they’re just masters of clarity with their Web & App Activity controls. It’s almost like they’re using those ‘dark patterns’ we hear so much about. You know, make the privacy switch seem like a magic wand when, in reality, it’s more like a light dimmer – it changes a bit, but doesn’t really turn anything off. If you flip it, Google stops using your data to make things like Chrome and Android all personalized – how generous of them!
But wait, there’s more! Google has like a gazillion other divisions, and guess what? The activity switch doesn’t even tickle the beast that is Google Ads – a data-harvesting kraken that’s everywhere, not just on Google products. And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance – technologies like Firebase and Ad SDKs. They’re like Google’s tentacles in third-party services, and nope, you can’t turn those off. It’s like playing whack-a-mole with privacy controls, but the moles are on steroids.
